Once upon a rainbow

dont disturb mi when i am thiking ~``~ =p

why it is rainniny so heavily today???
i was so upset when i receiving my mum's call...i dont know why ,although i hav the pre -feeling of whats going on, 30%...but another 70% i am still looking foraward that my mum would tell mi the good news. however, i am so disappointed and down ...my mind is totally not on my body...
i suddently feel lonely although i am havin lesson with all of my frid....i suddently wanna to cry but i didnt ...bicso i am not easily to cry in front of any ppl...even if i really vri upset abt smth i will hide smwhere n let it brust out...i juz suddently wanna to hav smbody who can let rely on and share my sadness...i wanna FA XIE all my sadness to that person ....n i wanna release my stress emotionally ....but i cant ....i dont hav the person right now...when u r trying to make smth to come true and wanna it to make nicely for yourself...and you r really really hav the wonderful image in ur mind....however ...when u happen to hav some difficulties i will be disappointed and sososo upset....bico the reality isnt so easy to make ur imagery world to come true.... i wont blame to anybody...i will accept it instead as i know i cant change it .... i am so helpless and restless....the "RUN AWAy"idea appear to my mind again ....
i ask myself why i wanna to run away...bicos i cant get what i wanna ...i cant get the happiness in my imagery world....bi honest...i am the person who dont hav a sense of secure inside my heart although i appear to bi happy n optimistic in front all of my frid...
i always wonder where will be my finally destination of my life....sg or shanghai or usa or somewhere else....
i realli dont know ....
the heavily rainning make my mood even worse...
but one thing i promise to all my frids ....i will be fine vri soon...
writing of this is the most effective way to release all my sadness n stress in my heart....
i will be okie n start to hav energy again when i wake up tmr....
like what the songs sing MING TIAN GUO HOU.
after tmr the problem still there,
after tmr i still alive
after tmr i hav to find the soultion of the problem
after tmr its a new day

january is the month i like but i dislike also
its the big month for my self,
if not that day , i wont bi alive for the past 20 years
but it also bring out alot of bitter memories of my past...

☜❤☞ Over The Rainbow ☜❤☞